I got paramecium. What microorganism are you? Take the quiz.

Look, it's a fact. I'm not saying all, but many amoebas are parasites. If that makes me a "hater," fine.

What do you mean? Some of my best friends are amoebas.

The 800-pound gorilla in the room can kiss my ass.

Don't sweat the small stuff? You wanna say that to my face, you sizist asshole?

If there's no answer on my land line, call my cell.

I'm sitting here, wondering: will a matchbox hold my clothes?