I did not have asexual relations with that cell, me.

Sperm? Damn, I thought those were beansprouts.

GONE FISSION

I got paramecium. What microorganism are you? Take the quiz.

Look, it's a fact. I'm not saying all, but many amoebas are parasites. If that makes me a "hater," fine.

What do you mean? Some of my best friends are amoebas.

The 800-pound gorilla in the room can kiss my ass.